Funniest thing I have read all week!

[Akasha]

For all the long suffering "mere males" out there and a warning to all others! CHECK IT OUT, IT'S A BEAUTY.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ
so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do" FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

[Kalazor]

Lmao, that's great! Christ that is so me when i am married :lol: .

[Salalorn]

ROTFLMAO, I can only imagne the slap in the face he got after that one :lol:

stay safe everyone,
-Sala

[Saucon21]

One of the funniest things i read last night was this

Naked Man Arrested Bathing in Car Wash

WOODSTOCK, Ontario - A 39-year-old man was arrested after stripping off his clothes and entering a car wash for an impromptu shower. Police say a cab stopped to fill up at a gas station about 10 p.m. Tuesday when the passenger from Thamesford, Ontario, got out and decided to have a wash before going home, the Woodstock Sentinel-Review reported. The man's name wasn't released.



Police found the man naked and intoxicated.


He has been charged with being intoxicated in a public place.

[Kalazor]

He has been charged with being intoxicated in a public place

And not for indecent exposure?

[Worlokk]

great, i know nothing but i know a good joke when i see one (13 and virgin - lol) :P. I guess we all become more lust than love when it becomes less of a challenge to keep a partner and as it becomes much harder to break up, same goes for more materialistic than along the lines of the phrase 'its the thought that counts' ... well do laugh at me if im jibberishin, i cant relate but ill try ;)

[boscolio]

after a while it's not one or the other. if you've got the right person, lust and love become the same thing. relationships might not make sense at first but eventually you begin to understand the finer points of it all. if not then you're screwed. but most people get it after a while. the rest are 50 and hang out at bars hitting on 20 year olds.

[Akasha]

Lust and Love mould together to become companionship, which is just a more smoochier version of friendship. Being with my partner for the past 5 years (anniversary coming up this weekend) he is my best friend, the one I bitch too after a bad day, and the one that makes me feel better when I'm down.

I'm gonna stop now before I go all mushy on you :lol:

[Worlokk]

Okay, but im not asking for a walkthrough if that proceeded my post :oops: ... schools here are obsessed enough about sex & relationships education (they seem to have a different name for it every year), dunno how it is in aussi, but mosty its because the governments getting bored of the repetitive lust orientated under-age pregnancy, which is damn high for such a 'powerful' and overall developed country :?

Still... Penguins rule! 8) (i should put it in my sig, but i like writing it out each time - annoying git aint i?)

[Kalazor]

No, i like penguins - but putting it in your sig would be more handy :P.