Even the Frog couldn't make this up!

Frogbunns · September 21, 2004, 08:55 AM

Hello?

Friday Feature: You're All Morons

Greetings and **** me. I'm Jeff Woods, maintenance programmer for Star Wars Galaxies: An Empire Divided. As a maintenance programmer it is my responsibility to manage existing code, write bug fixes, integrate new code while analyzing its impact on existing functionality and be the brunt of your jokes and flames on the forums. **** me. I'm writing this Friday Feature because I'm about **** of your, the valued customer's, torrent of never ending sass-mouth and ill-informed crap. I repeat, **** me. **** me long. **** me hard.

Being a maintenance programmer is such a privileged joy and honor. I get to spend anywhere from eight to twelve, sometimes as many as sixteen straight hours a day locked in an eight by eight cube grinding my *** out writing code that you freaks don't appreciate. Did I mention you can **** me? What I love best is you forum jockeys lamenting the game code while you most likely work in a porn theater as a janitor or mooch off my tax dollars as an unemployed turd, sitting on a couch with no cushion with Chef Boyardee stains all over your wife beater. If you think you can write better netcode I invite you to come down and have a go, after you **** me of course....freak.

Does the game have bugs? Yeah, it has a helluva lot of bugs. What the **** you think I'm doing here **** ******? I'm trying to fix the god damn game but you little whiney ******* want new **** too. New **** equals more bugs. IT NEVER ENDS! WHEN I GET ON TOP OF THE HILL I GET BURIED IN A BIGGER PILE OF DUNG! I HATE YOU ALL! DIE! Plus I don't make the decisions, I just code. I wish I did. I'd put a god damn virus in each and every one of your machines and blow up your ****!

Why don't you test the code before you deploy it?

Hey! Why don't you **** me!?

We do test it Corky. Unfortunately we can not test to the level of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND concurrent users to see EVERY bug that may exist. Also some bugs require the "Moron Quotient". That's where you come in. Only morons could uncover some of this crap because right thinking people don't dismount their swoop while trying to call a pet going into a Krayt spawn with orange hotpants AND trying to compose a new email at the same time. Just **** me, I'm sick of justifying myself to a bunch of Monday Morning Quarterbacks who don't even possess the prowess to negotiate the complexities of the local ATM machine. I'll take your coding advice when you can finally figure out how to stop that 12:00 AM on your microwave from blinking incessantly Mr. Beautiful Mind.

Ok, you can't fix all the bugs but can you at least listen to us?

Hey! How about I listen to the "glup, slurp, glup" sounds as you **** me!?

I'll tell you why I don't listen. I can only read so much of your stupid *** **** **** before I lose all faith in the future of humanity and start sorting my guns by barrel flavor. Reading your tripe only confirms the world is full of stupid people with stupid ideas. If good ideas were beers I wouldn't have enough from the forums to get a buzz.

Seriously, let's listen to what you have to say! Here's some gems from the forums that you guys wrote. Names withheld to protect the ******.

I worked hard by afking 16 profassions to beacoming a Jedi (I had to learn auto-cliker lol!) I should beable to kill ne1 who atatcks me in one hit from my sabar and ne1 I kill should lose XP 2. What do you think?
Aye, you sure "worked hard"! Hard work is coding for 48 hours straight so some guy who spends $15 can call you an *******. I'll get right on this one.

I'm an Impereal and I think I should be able to have teh ATAT pet and call it and it should hve a million HAM and pwnzor teh Rebals! lolz
Laugh.
Out.
Loud.
******.

TKs shoud haev stun Vibrator Knuckles w/ Mind Fire!11
And your parents should have had an abortion...although I do agree that the game needs "Vibrator Knuckles". Hell, Vibrator anything...damn "T for Teen" rating. You get half credit, I kill you last.

I can't read these ideas. I actually feel myself getting dumber if I do. I don't get paid enough for this crap...I quit. After two years of this crap I'M OUT!

**** me.

- Joe

http://www.leftcorner.com/swg/ff/ff6.htm#

Frog thinks that somethings just have to be read!

thank you

Moderator Edit for poor language on a massive scale. i know you didn't write this, but you know how we opperate here.

Trem · September 21, 2004, 09:59 AM

omg frog thank you for that. I was laughing so hard in my cube people were looking at me funny.

Worlokk · September 21, 2004, 10:29 AM

:lol:! I mean frogging hell that was a truckload he just unleashed, that guy is going insane :badgrin: .

I feel sorry for him of course, but I only pray that that is not what becomes of one of the blizz employees one day :p

:D

Salalorn · September 21, 2004, 11:39 AM

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I know it's wrong to laugh at something like this but I'm so glad that he finally came out and did it... I really do feel for programmers having to deal with forum boards and things like that. I mean these guy's bust their buts and then get flammed all to he!! b/c of the 'crappy' job they did.

I feel your pain and laugh with you whoever you are Joe and I salute you above all else for dealing with the stupid masses of BNet kiddies.

/bows humbley

stay safe everyone,
-Sala

September 21, 2004, 08:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
Frogbunns Member	Even the Frog couldn't make this up! Hello? Friday Feature: You're All Morons Greetings and ** me. I'm Jeff Woods, maintenance programmer for Star Wars Galaxies: An Empire Divided. As a maintenance programmer it is my responsibility to manage existing code, write bug fixes, integrate new code while analyzing its impact on existing functionality and be the brunt of your jokes and flames on the forums. me. I'm writing this Friday Feature because I'm about of your, the valued customer's, torrent of never ending sass-mouth and ill-informed crap. I repeat, me. me long. me hard. Being a maintenance programmer is such a privileged joy and honor. I get to spend anywhere from eight to twelve, sometimes as many as sixteen straight hours a day locked in an eight by eight cube grinding my * out writing code that you freaks don't appreciate. Did I mention you can ** me? What I love best is you forum jockeys lamenting the game code while you most likely work in a porn theater as a janitor or mooch off my tax dollars as an unemployed turd, sitting on a couch with no cushion with Chef Boyardee stains all over your wife beater. If you think you can write better netcode I invite you to come down and have a go, after you me of course....freak. Does the game have bugs? Yeah, it has a helluva lot of bugs. What the you think I'm doing here **? I'm trying to fix the god damn game but you little whiney *** want new too. New equals more bugs. IT NEVER ENDS! WHEN I GET ON TOP OF THE HILL I GET BURIED IN A BIGGER PILE OF DUNG! I HATE YOU ALL! DIE! Plus I don't make the decisions, I just code. I wish I did. I'd put a god damn virus in each and every one of your machines and blow up your ! Why don't you test the code before you deploy it? Hey! Why don't you me!? We do test it Corky. Unfortunately we can not test to the level of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND concurrent users to see EVERY bug that may exist. Also some bugs require the "Moron Quotient". That's where you come in. Only morons could uncover some of this crap because right thinking people don't dismount their swoop while trying to call a pet going into a Krayt spawn with orange hotpants AND trying to compose a new email at the same time. Just me, I'm sick of justifying myself to a bunch of Monday Morning Quarterbacks who don't even possess the prowess to negotiate the complexities of the local ATM machine. I'll take your coding advice when you can finally figure out how to stop that 12:00 AM on your microwave from blinking incessantly Mr. Beautiful Mind. Ok, you can't fix all the bugs but can you at least listen to us? Hey! How about I listen to the "glup, slurp, glup" sounds as you me!? I'll tell you why I don't listen. I can only read so much of your stupid * ** before I lose all faith in the future of humanity and start sorting my guns by barrel flavor. Reading your tripe only confirms the world is full of stupid people with stupid ideas. If good ideas were beers I wouldn't have enough from the forums to get a buzz. Seriously, let's listen to what you have to say! Here's some gems from the forums that you guys wrote. Names withheld to protect the **. I worked hard by afking 16 profassions to beacoming a Jedi (I had to learn auto-cliker lol!) I should beable to kill ne1 who atatcks me in one hit from my sabar and ne1 I kill should lose XP 2. What do you think? Aye, you sure "worked hard"! Hard work is coding for 48 hours straight so some guy who spends $15 can call you an ***. I'll get right on this one. I'm an Impereal and I think I should be able to have teh ATAT pet and call it and it should hve a million HAM and pwnzor teh Rebals! lolz Laugh. Out. Loud. **. TKs shoud haev stun Vibrator Knuckles w/ Mind Fire!11 And your parents should have had an abortion...although I do agree that the game needs "Vibrator Knuckles". Hell, Vibrator anything...damn "T for Teen" rating. You get half credit, I kill you last. I can't read these ideas. I actually feel myself getting dumber if I do. I don't get paid enough for this crap...I quit. After two years of this crap I'M OUT! ** me. - Joe http://www.leftcorner.com/swg/ff/ff6.htm# Frog thinks that somethings just have to be read! thank you Moderator Edit for poor language on a massive scale. i know you didn't write this, but you know how we opperate here.

September 21, 2004, 09:59 AM	#2 (permalink)
Trem Member	Even the Frog couldn't make this up! omg frog thank you for that. I was laughing so hard in my cube people were looking at me funny.

September 21, 2004, 10:29 AM	#3 (permalink)
Worlokk Member	Even the Frog couldn't make this up! :lol:! I mean frogging hell that was a truckload he just unleashed, that guy is going insane :badgrin: . I feel sorry for him of course, but I only pray that that is not what becomes of one of the blizz employees one day :p :D

September 21, 2004, 11:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
Salalorn Member	Even the Frog couldn't make this up! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I know it's wrong to laugh at something like this but I'm so glad that he finally came out and did it... I really do feel for programmers having to deal with forum boards and things like that. I mean these guy's bust their buts and then get flammed all to he!! b/c of the 'crappy' job they did. I feel your pain and laugh with you whoever you are Joe and I salute you above all else for dealing with the stupid masses of BNet kiddies. /bows humbley stay safe everyone, -Sala