Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym

*Akasha* · June 19, 2008, 05:25 PM

A Friday funny to make the day go quicker...

If you read this without laughing out loud, or a smile there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years go, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.

Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

THURSDAY :

Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY :

I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.

Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY :

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY :

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Vaell · June 19, 2008, 06:35 PM

Wednesday: straight in there with the consequences of the 2 day delay before the serious aches and pains kick in.

It was funny, but then it's human nature to take some sadistic satisfaction from other's misfortune. I'm sure there's been a number of anthropological studies to determine why we are this way. And similarly, many things that humans find funny are genuinely based in fear responses.

However, it did remind me how unfit I've become in the 2 years that I've been favouring sitting on my arse while making wow characters run around instead of *actually* running around.

I'll be *very* careful about how I try to put that right based on this cautionary tale

Affinity · June 19, 2008, 06:54 PM

yea ive seen that before, its really funny

*Akasha* · June 20, 2008, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vaell

However, it did remind me how unfit I've become in the 2 years that I've been favouring sitting on my arse while making wow characters run around instead of *actually* running around.

Every now and then I daydream the same fantasy - what if there was a way to make it so that any exercise your in game character did, effected you. IE all that running around you do in game? Your muscles get a work out! Aaah it's a good day dream...

snackereen · June 20, 2008, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akasha

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

THAT's the moral of the story

zoli · June 20, 2008, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akasha

A Friday funny to make the day go quicker...

If you read this without laughing out loud, or a smile there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Well… apparently there is something wrong with me, the intent of making our Friday go by more easily, is definitely appreciated, but I didn’t even try to force a smile on me as I read this.

This has a few reasons I guess, first of all, I had many periods in my life when I did heavy weight lifting, regular heavy workouts spanning over long periods, like years at times.

My body though, wasn’t helping me much….. I was kinda thin, and unable to make much progress, my muscles weren’t growing as they should have. I became very frustrated, especially seeing how a lot of lazy people were having it a lot more easy then me... making big progress and still whining how hard it is, just like in this little story.

After pushing myself really hard… working out till I was throwing up, my tendons swelling up and just feeling generally dizzy, using an extremely heavy protein diet, and just keeping this up for months, I finally accomplished just a little out of what I was aiming for.

And now… it is almost as hard to keep up this little gain. So whenever I hear someone whine about how hard it is to workout I go crazy.

I also used to be a martial arts instructor… but I will not get into that… it’s just a whole different story… but it’s also about heavy… heavy physical training.

If after reading, you will say that I am taking this little story too seriously and that I am mentally disturbed… then you would be indeed correct.

I am frustrated, disturbed and mean….. I am an undead warlock after all

Wilfy · June 20, 2008, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akasha

Every now and then I daydream the same fantasy - what if there was a way to make it so that any exercise your in game character did, effected you. IE all that running around you do in game? Your muscles get a work out! Aaah it's a good day dream...

As long as i didn't take all the incoming punishment as well ;)

-w-

Shilah · June 20, 2008, 05:12 AM

Actually I would LOVE being attached to some kind of machine that could simulate my movement on my pc screen. I'd be so happy to do all the phisical stuff my characters do without getting hurt by a sword of course

but running, jumping, making all those fencing movements etc would give me so much fun! I think I'm not the only one feeling this way about it

Errm... wait... what would happen if my druid shapeshifted into cat/bear form.... or flight form

forketta · June 20, 2008, 05:58 AM

lol

just 1 answer from me:

i own a t-shirt, that canb be translated like this:

i have the body of a god
shame he is buddha

@akasha
BTW 43 years ago you where a high school cheerleader? you can't be serious about that, or my windows calculator isn't good at solving operations.....

Xep · June 20, 2008, 06:04 AM

Hmm....Just a thought.

World of Warcraft on the Nintendo WII to make full use of the new WII Fit controller. Better yet, enable WoW and your PC to attach the Fit controller for the full "in-game" experience.

This will enable you to "walk", "run", "dodge", "parry", "jump" and do just about any other physical motion your toon will do. Would make you REALLY appreciate your mounts (rest). Just have to figure out how to make it work for swimming!

This way....you can have your "Cake....and.....burn it off as well!"

June 19, 2008, 06:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
Vaell Moderator Character Info Vaell 70 Blood Elf Warlock Scarshield Legion Euro RP PvP Guild: Void Profile: Blizzard Armory Talent Spec: 00/14/47	Re: Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym Wednesday: straight in there with the consequences of the 2 day delay before the serious aches and pains kick in. It was funny, but then it's human nature to take some sadistic satisfaction from other's misfortune. I'm sure there's been a number of anthropological studies to determine why we are this way. And similarly, many things that humans find funny are genuinely based in fear responses. However, it did remind me how unfit I've become in the 2 years that I've been favouring sitting on my arse while making wow characters run around instead of actually running around. I'll be very careful about how I try to put that right based on this cautionary tale

June 19, 2008, 06:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
Affinity Lurker Character Info Affinity 70 Blood Elf Warlock Korgath US PvP Guild: Undecided Profile: Blizzard Armory Talent Spec: 0/21/40	Re: Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym yea ive seen that before, its really funny

June 20, 2008, 05:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
Shilah Lurker Character Info Shilla 70 Blood Elf Warlock Runetotem Euro PvE Guild: Protectors of Chaos Profile: Blizzard Armory Talent Spec: 5/3/53	Re: Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym Actually I would LOVE being attached to some kind of machine that could simulate my movement on my pc screen. I'd be so happy to do all the phisical stuff my characters do without getting hurt by a sword of course but running, jumping, making all those fencing movements etc would give me so much fun! I think I'm not the only one feeling this way about it Errm... wait... what would happen if my druid shapeshifted into cat/bear form.... or flight form Last edited by Shilah; June 20, 2008 at 05:19 AM.

June 20, 2008, 05:58 AM	#9 (permalink)
forketta Member Character Info temet 70 Orc Warlock Burning Legion Euro PvP Talent Spec: Sl/Sl	Re: Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym lol just 1 answer from me: i own a t-shirt, that canb be translated like this: i have the body of a god shame he is buddha @akasha BTW 43 years ago you where a high school cheerleader? you can't be serious about that, or my windows calculator isn't good at solving operations.....

June 20, 2008, 06:04 AM	#10 (permalink)
Xep Lurker Character Info Xep 70 Human Warlock Eitrigg US PvE Guild: Fiery Wrath Talent Spec: 44/0/17	Re: Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym Hmm....Just a thought. World of Warcraft on the Nintendo WII to make full use of the new WII Fit controller. Better yet, enable WoW and your PC to attach the Fit controller for the full "in-game" experience. This will enable you to "walk", "run", "dodge", "parry", "jump" and do just about any other physical motion your toon will do. Would make you REALLY appreciate your mounts (rest). Just have to figure out how to make it work for swimming! This way....you can have your "Cake....and.....burn it off as well!"

June 19, 2008, 05:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
Akasha	Friday Funny - A Woman's Week at the Gym A Friday funny to make the day go quicker... If you read this without laughing out loud, or a smile there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years go, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. THURSDAY : Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. FRIDAY : I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY : Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY : I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!