Correspondence to/from Santa

Jubal · December 08, 2004, 06:05 AM

These are baaaadddd............

Deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I end you a f gging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving our older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

Santa
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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa

P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬oeLong DongÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â Claus
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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Santa
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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your *** kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa

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*Moderator Edit : Formatted to shorten length*

Khimaroth · December 08, 2004, 08:03 AM

lol, some good ones there ;)

Stev · December 08, 2004, 08:55 AM

nice one

hope santa comes visit me and brings all his porno girls with him ;)

Pcheez · December 09, 2004, 11:16 AM

AHAHAHAHAHAHA
:lol: :lol: (pause)
AHAHAHAHAHAHA too funny :lol: :lol: :lol:

****tail watresses +babystitters.... :evil:
They are essential society supporting columns that is....
What did you think i meant :roll: ?

December 08, 2004, 06:05 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jubal Member	Correspondence to/from Santa These are baaaadddd............ Deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I end you a f gging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving our older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his * constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those? Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Santa P.S. Tell your mom she got the part. ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬oeLong DongÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â Claus -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your * kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moderator Edit : Formatted to shorten length

December 08, 2004, 08:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
Khimaroth Lurker	Correspondence to/from Santa lol, some good ones there ;)

December 08, 2004, 08:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
Stev Lurker	Correspondence to/from Santa nice one hope santa comes visit me and brings all his porno girls with him ;)

December 09, 2004, 11:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Pcheez Member	Correspondence to/from Santa AHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol: :lol: (pause) AHAHAHAHAHAHA too funny :lol: :lol: :lol: ****tail watresses +babystitters.... :evil: They are essential society supporting columns that is.... What did you think i meant :roll: ?