Maintenance complaints by Qantas

[Akasha]

I'm sure most of you know that Qantas is an Airline, it's also one of the, if not the biggest airline in Australia... Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

"P" is the entry written in the log by the pilots.
"S" is the subsequent entry by the mechanics with the corrective action taken.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed. (The Andersen principle)

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined aeroplane;the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly.)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed

[MrJava]

You know all men are pedophiles and can't sit next to children sitting alone one Quanta's flights anymore!